Tired, Still Open-minded

TIRED but still open minded…..

I am sure I am not the only one sick of this Covid-19 reality but I learned some things today. I feel the need to share… it might be lengthy, might not but might be interesting to some. Everyone has an opinion but why are we taking sides?
I am not an expert in medicine, I am a nurse. I specialize in geriatrics. I am not at the hospital working on the front lines as many ER nurses and nurses or Doctors assigned to Covid-19 specific floors, God bless all who are on the front lines caring for those who are fighting it, there are so many to list, too many. Imaging the president whether you like him or not, the governors, mayors, I do not envy any of you. I do not wish to be in your shoes, for many reasons.
I do however work in long term care. While there are so many and I mean so many opinions out there about who, what, where and how, as well as who should, who shouldn’t and who knows and who doesn’t, I’d like to share what I see. Our residents have been quarantined to their rooms for weeks, months so long I am losing count. No contact but the telephone or video chat if capable. I have had to be away from family for weeks turning into months, where will it end?
I personally would like to have a conversation on the mental and emotional consequences of all sides of Covid. The list is long my friends. Where oh where shall I begin? This is a dire situation people, not only regarding the loss of lives which in watching news reports seem more important to some than others which in fact is sad enough. There is the loss of life of those who are killing themselves because they have lost hope, they cannot feed their families, they are isolated and filled with fear as well. What about those low lifes, the lower than scum people taking advantage of the already disadvantaged people out there causing more chaos and loss, stealing to put themselves in better positions. There are those on the front lines losing patients daily at times minutes apart, with little time to gather themselves before going to the next patient fighting to stay alive, how about ya’lls mental and emotional well being right now. There are our grandparents, great grandparents, aunts and uncles, sisters brothers, moms and dads that are severely compromised desperately needing love and support from their loved ones to win their battles and are told that isn’t possible right now. There are those elderly patients that are already isolated enough in long term care facilities that many, have no visitors already, no family and some rely only on the staff and other residents to find peace and happiness in interacting with…gone, no longer an option.
Let me ask you something, How long has it taken this to have a damper on your mental and emotional state?
I miss my family. I miss my grandchildren, those of my adult children I haven’t been able to visit. I miss my friends. I care for someone fighting cancer! They miss their family and friends too. Please don’t quickly dismiss that idea. It isn’t quite as simple as “missing family and friends” How long will it last? When can we see our loved ones and our friends? When can those who have lost independence due to being compromised, go back to having their dignity and independence and feel important again?
I have spoken to many people over the last couple months. People who express some of the same concerns about how will we survive, will we have enough food, if the economy will revive itself, how will we get back to any kind of normalcy? What if I die? What if my husband dies or one of my children? How can people be so careless and cruel as to think this isn’t serious? How can people be so selfish?
I myself have prepared myself for what will I do if one of my loved ones contract the virus and do not make it. It isn’t a good thought, it isn’t pleasant to have to face the reality that even when we “flatten the curve” will it return? Will it return with a vengeance? If our Governor opens our state back up will it surge new heights?
I am grateful for the slow down or pause if you will but I am tired. I am tired of Covid-19. I am tired but must keep an open mind. I must find a light in the darkness of Covid. I must be grateful, I am. I am grateful that I have been able to come home from my shifts without any casualties. I am grateful to spend time sitting with my daughter completing her homework, seeing her amazing artwork, laughing and joking over family games. I am grateful to be comforting to my husband when he comes home from a stress packed day dealing with a whole different side of Covid. I am grateful for him as he brings me peace and comfort like I have never had before as I lay my fears, my sadness and frustrations on him, he is my rock, my saving grace. I am thankful I have video chat capabilities and video chat with all our children extended and what have you. I am grateful to be still working and have the ability to help those in need when and if needed. I am willing to be there for anyone who feels they have lost hope or are losing hope, for those who just need someone to listen to their sadness from so much devastation on the front lines, those who lost family and can’t be there for other family in friends in their time of need. I am willing to pray with you, cry with you, laugh with you, yell with you, let you yell at me if it helps. I am willing to listen to you try to reason with all that is going on. Sometimes we read and comment only to try and make our own sense out of this incredibly disheartening time.
For those who take this lightly and feel all are over acting, you also have a right to your opinion. I offer you spend some time with those working on the front line, those who lost family members, those fighting for their lives from other illnesses. I offer you put your efforts towards feeding the hungry families who lost their jobs, maybe offer positive, friendly support to those fearing the worst because they have a reason to, before damning those who take this incredibly serious for they might just show you a different perspective or you might just give them some light in a dark time.
I offer we ALL be a little less judgmental and be less willing to attack those who have a difference of opinion. WHY must it always be about WHO is right, or proving someone wrong? WHY can’t we make it about WHAT we CAN do, what we do have control over, the difference we can make TOGETHER as communities, fellow human beings! We need to remind ourselves we are truly all in this together. NO ONE is better than anyone else. Driving that Land Rover or Mercedes, to the hospital to die in your Gucci or Louis Vuitton heels isn’t going to give you better chances, neither is that $800 purse or that $60,000 truck with the mud tires and lift kit, it won’t save you, we all die the same, our body bags and sheets draped over our body cold and lifeless, is the SAME . You might just end up in that mass grave they are showing on the news. What difference did you make while you were alive, any? Did you try? Look the hell around. We need love and support, courteousy,respect and compassion, we need to look out for one another. Don’t we have enough nastiness in the world?
All I am saying is there is a WHOLE lot that isn’t even being talked about…. THINK BEFORE YOU SPEAK and when you do have discussions…just be RESPECTFUL of others opinions, they have rights to theirs just like you!

One thought on “Tired, Still Open-minded

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  1. Well said my dear…I too have felt like the walls are closing in at times during this – I get to go home after 8 hours where my residents have the same view day after day-I try to wear bright and colorful scrubs to bring some cheer to their day or sit down and chat with them when I’m able.We will get through this eventually but how we come out the other side is up to us indeed.

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