Growing In  Love 

We all grow up  having our thoughts, even dreams of what kind of love we will experience as we grow and age. I remember my list of requirements from early on, my picture in my head of what it was going to look like, how being in love would feel… I chuckle a little now as I think of it.  

Our likes and dislikes change so many times, so many ways throughout our years. Things we feel are of utmost importance, become less and less important over time, different ideas top our priority list. Our definition of love, what it is and what it means, how it pertains to our own situations , it changes and grows into something different. 

Marriages of 30, 40, 50 years are rare in todays times. Working with older individuals, I have been blessed to listen to many stories of long lasting love. The most common things said amongst the wiser ones who have achieved golden years together were this; “marriage is hard, you have to work at it every day” “we experienced many difficult years” “Some days, we didn’t even like each other” “It takes great patience and understanding, respect , trust, forgiveness and devotion”  “ We did a lot of praying”  

This wasn’t exactly my vision of fairytale love as it is portrayed in storybooks,  movies on Lifetime or the Hallmark channel. It sounded much like work that never ends. There was no singing or dancing or hearts seen in the eyes when you look at each other. Happy endings wasn’t  living happily ever after in these descriptions. This couldn’t possibly be right. Not even liking each other some days? What did they mean? 

Many visions or perspectives even experiences of love vary. 

 Love from my perspective. Love is a verb, it is an action, a choice, it is forever a work in progress. You never stop learning about loving someone or allowing yourself to be loved. It takes both for love to be everlasting. It takes faith, and God’s guidance.  It takes exactly what the wise ones advised, great patience, understanding, respect, honesty, devotion, loyalty and selflessness. It means putting someone else’s happiness  and needs above your own. It means supporting one another through life’s challenges. It means being strong when the other is weak. It means being honest and transparent, communicating the good, the bad and the ugly without judgement or harshness. It means being vulnerable with one another. It means believing in each other when you don’t even believe in yourself. Its building each other up during difficult and challenging times, pushing one another to be your best selves.  It means standing at one another’s side when everything around you is falling apart.  It is looking at each other and thinking “How did I ever deserve to be this blessed?”  It is thanking God every single day for sending them to you. It is being on your knees praying for God to heal them, to guide them, to be with them in all they do. Its asking God to make you the best person you can be FOR THEM.  Its taking on pain in any form to keep them from having to endure it. It is the littlest things, its making them smile, to let them feel how much you value them, appreciate them and the efforts they put forth. It is understanding that they are not perfect but knowing they are perfect for you. It is feeling lost without them.  It is like losing a part of yourself , a part missing when they are gone. 

I believe there is a fairytale love, a happily ever after. It just depends on what your definition of that is. I am blessed to be  living my fairytale, I  have my happily ever after. Does this mean there are no hard times? Absolutely not. It means that during those hard times, I cant think of anyone else Id rather go through them with. Does it mean we don’t have to work at it, nope. We work at it every single day, some days it requires working harder than others. Does it mean there is never disappointment, not at all. Life is full of disappointment. It means you work through it together. It is finding joy in the simple things, creating memories together. Love is being a team. It is being partners in life, through life. Surviving, embracing the journey together. It is Creating and choosing happiness, despite the hard times. It is choosing to love each other over and over again. 

There was a time, I had no idea how having these things felt or how it felt to give it to someone else.  

 Until  I did… just when I thought I couldn’t possibly love someone more, that my heart would bust at the seams, God helped me to grow and experience love in its purest form to give love in the same way.  Each day when I look over at him, I feel my heart grow even more and my love deepen. Even on the worst days I can’t wait to get home to him. There is no greater gift.  My greatest wish each day now… is for God to bless me with one more day to be with him, to  continue to love him and be loved by him. I am fulfilled. I am whole. 

Some people live a lifetime without ever experiencing love or being loved. Love is not a gift to be taken for granted. It is not something to throw away carelessly, or give less than one hundred percent of yourself to. Love is an action that speaks louder than words. It is seen, not heard. It is seen in their eyes when you look at them and them you.. It can be felt radiating from the two of you, how you treat one another, speak to one another. It is inspiring to others. 

I do believe it is described best when it was said, 

 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast. It is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self seeking. It is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres LOVE NEVER FAILS. 

1 Corinthians 13:4-8 

 If  I were to ask you what love looks like to you, what it means to love and be loved, what would you say, how would you describe it? Do you value it more than material things? What would you be willing to give up or endure to be blessed with it? 

In giving me my happily ever after, God used it to teach me what loving and being loved really means.